Waiting

Life seems to be rushing past us and yet when we are asked or expected to slow down or even stop to wait for someone or something, we get impatient to keep moving on.  But what are we moving on to?

It seems that this concept we call time has become our master and we think about how we use it, how we waste it, how we want more of it, how it would change things or even how other people seem to have more of it than we do.

Ever caught yourself thinking or even saying things like “I haven’t got time to wait for this”? The underscript here is “I’m too important, don’t you know that?” I’ve got better things to do than to wait for you!

Or perhaps you have been waiting for your computer to load or to receive a message.  Maybe in a queue or traffic thinking “what could be taking so long?” or even “you idiot, get moving” or “hurry up …….” with some colourful language thrown in.

If you think about it, we can push and rush ourselves through each part of our day, just to move onto the next part, hurrying through everyday ‘mundane’ things like eating, or washing dishes, or driving home, just so that we can move onto the next part of our lives.

We can even want to move other people through what they are saying more quickly by finishing their sentences for them, or not letting them finish what they were saying as you think you know what they are going to say and it is much more important that we move on.

What are we in such a hurry to move on to? The next thing, the end of this meeting, the end of this trip, the end of this chore, the end of this day – this week – this year -this life?

When we move into impatience by listening to the ‘hurry up’ story in our heads we activate other physiological reactions as well.  Our foot or finger might start tapping, increased heart rate, muscle tension and our stress response.  You may even notice your own body language sitting forward in the car as if this is going to get you through the traffic more quickly!

You may have been experiencing this impatience for a long time and feel that it is ingrained in who you are, however, we can look to see when we developed impatience which can help with making changes.  Perhaps you were hurried along as a child and this modelling has stayed with you. Perhaps you developed impatience while you were at school and things seemed so much better when you weren’t in class and you wanted to get out and play.

People who live in impatience, who don’t like to wait, can cause their own unhappinesss.

This week’s Mindfulness challenge is to sit with waiting and there are a few mindful ways to do this.

The first part is awareness. Notice when you are impatient, notice your self talk around waiting and ask yourself “why am I in a rush? What am I in a hurrry to do?” see what comes up.

Then touch base with the present. Notice your breath, moving in and out. Remember no judgment just noticing.

A great mindfulness practice is to notice 5 things – notice 5 things currently touching you, this may be clothing, jewellery, your hair, the seat you are in, something you are holding like a cup or book.  Then notice 5 things you can hear.  Instead of listing a plane for example, listen for sounds within sounds and the changing of those sounds.  Then notice 5 things you can see.  This exercise gets you here and now.

Try the Purple M&Ms activity my meditation teacher taught our class – pick a colour and notice all the things you can see that are that colour; pick a shape, for example round, and notice all the things in your environment that are round; pick a letter, perhaps the first letter of your name or M (for M&Ms) and notice everything you can see that starts with that letter, or notice where you can see that letter written.  And because M&Ms are yummy, notice something in the environment that is pleasurable for you.

Another way to get present of course is to ‘drop anchor’ through your feet.  Bring your attention to your feet connected to the floor/earth. Feel your weight in your feet or if you are sitting notice your weight sitting in the seat.  Then mentally body scan your way up your spine, bit by bit, noticing tension and letting it go by moving on to the next body part. Come back to the breath moving in and out.

Most people find that they can sit with waiting and impatience if they get present rather than get into their heads.  Give it a go, after all, waiting is part of being in this world with other people.  People we love, we care about, we work with, we need to deliver things to us, people who are also wanting to move on to the next moment rather than be in this one.  Model waiting mindfully and see what happens.

 

Are you searching for the perfect world?

When we live in our heads we often have conversations about how things ‘should’ be.

We are always striving towards the perfect – the perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect suburb; being the perfect parent, having the perfect body, perfect, perfect, perfect.

We think that if we strive for perfection or if we are perfect then things will be ok. My relationship will survive, the kids will go well at school, I won’t lose my job.

Striving for perfection narrows our tolerance toward difference. It can mean we don’t cope with change, or anything that doesn’t fit in to our ‘perfect’ world scenario.

We can relentlessly judge others and ourselves. We compare what we have or what we are like to others, even though the comparison may not be accurate.

This persistent striving keeps us on edge, agitated, trying to control things, trying to create how things ‘should’ be, in order to be just ‘right’.

Have you noticed that no longer can we have a ‘good’ day, we are expected to have a ‘great’ day. No longer can we say that we feel good, we need to feel fantastic. Everyone is trying to perpetuate this image of perfection.

Mindfulness encourages us to simply be, to suspend judgment. To watch the world simply as it happens and unfolds before us. Not having to make it any way in particular just accept the way it is, and to also accept ourselves along with it.

We don’t have to close down options because we haven’t predetermined how things ‘should’ be. Mindful acceptance doesn’t mean resignation, it is an acknowledgement that an experience is here, in this moment. However, instead of letting thoughts and wants seize control of your life, mindfulness allows you, simply and compassionately, to observe rather than judge it, attack it, argue with it or try to disprove its validity.

By doing this it allows you to step outside the spiral of disappointment and negativity, giving you far greater control over how you respond to a situation.

This week’s Mindfulness challenge is to embrace the messiness that is life in the moment.  Be accepting of the imperfections.

Notice when you are ‘shoulding’ on yourself or on life.

Notice when you feel uncomfortable because things look like they may go a bit different to the ‘plan’ you had in your head.

Be open and up for whatever life brings you, so you can tap into your strengths in return.

Notice when your mind brings up fears that keep you locked in the search for perfection. The fear of not coping. The fear of being rejected by others. The fear of not fitting in. The fear of not being good enough.

When you notice the fear you start to circumvent its power over you because you observe it and you name it. The need to control it will fade.

Give your story a name – “oh that’s my ‘I have to be perfect story’ or that’s my ‘I can’t lose story’ or perhaps it’s the ‘I’m an imposter story’.

Notice it, name it and then get in touch with what is really in front of you – the colour of the sky, the feel of clothes on your skin, your feet connected to the earth, the sounds in your present moment, and continue on with whatever this moment asks of you, not whatever the story in your head is demanding of you.

No need to judge, just be there with yourself and this messy thing we often call life and watch the awesomeness unfold!

Mindful in May

With May upon us, and a change of seasons settling in, it seems to be a good time to reflect on our mindfulness strategies we have explored so far this year.

Mindfulness is bringing an awareness to this present moment.  A moment we have never come to before nor will we share again.  This deliberate attention takes practice as our 21st Century minds are crowded with ideas, thoughts, problems, fantasies, hopes, dreams and pressures.

Just like learning any new task we will have moments when this is easy and moments when it just doesn’t work for us.  Mindfulness asks us to bring a non-judgmental approach to our practice.  To be gentle on ourselves when our minds go wandering and recognise that our thoughts and emotions are just a passing parade.  We don’t need to get hooked into our thoughts or get stuck on any one of them.  By tuning into our bodies, our senses and our experiences we learn that we have many sensations and not one needs to be given any more attention than the other. This takes patience and practice!

On our Mindfulness journey we started looking at bringing an awareness to autopilot in our daily lives by noticing when our mind starts to wander while we are performing everyday activities such as showering, brushing teeth, getting dressed, driving etc. and bringing it back to this present moment.

We used three breaths to punctuate the day, when washing hands, waiting for a meeting or an appointment, sitting in traffic, washing dishes.  Mindful eating showed us that the first mouthful of a meal is a banquet.  We are now noticing habits we had fallen in to and we release ourselves from their burden in habit releasing.

By tuning into touch in our world brings a gentleness to our connections with others.

Becoming aware of how we can create our own suffering by the way we process our world and focus on things that we don’t like, gives us a greater understanding of the power of our minds.

We decided to become more present in our conversations with others, and release the tension we hold in our bodies.

We are now noticing blue and other colours and also getting in touch with the child inside.

We noticed how our monkey minds time travel re-living the past and pre-living the future.  Our world is full of motion and we started to bring our awareness to movement in our bodies and things around us.

Sometimes it’s good to sit in silence and notice the sounds around us.  We can encourage silence into our lives by turning off electronic devices, not reading or talking or singing.

Becoming present we can notice transitions in our day, coming from one moment to the next and when we are present we can notice the unusual as well as how water flows around us.

Last week we learnt a cuppa meditation which of course can be adjusted to whenever you stop to drink.

All of these practices continue to bring us to this very moment, the only moment we really have.  This practice sets us up to developing a regular meditation practice should we wish to try.

Another thing happening in May is a wonderful project here in Australia called Mindful in May.

By joining this project you can participate in daily meditations for the month of May as well as contribute to raising money for  clean water in Ethiopia.

Research shows that daily meditation has great benefits.  We can train our wandering mind to be more focussed, calm and centred.

By stopping daily you will gain clarity in your thinking and also become more connected with your environment and with people in your life.

By joining the cause you can become part of a community of like-minded others bringing more kindness, compassion and consciousness into the world.

Mindful Moments has set up a team in the Mindful in May project called “Mindful Moments in May”, if you would like to join us and raise funds for this great cause that would be great. So far we have been practising a body scan meditation.

If you prefer however, you may just want to revisit the mindfulness practices we have been implementing so far, continue to notice your own monkey mind, be gentle on yourself and look forward to our new challenge next week.

Whatever you do, remember to stay present, moment by moment.